Empty Saturday

Today could not have been any more boring than what it has been.
I was literally about to be bored to tears, but I guess it could have been worse.
A lot worse.

Really, I was planning on going to the library for most of the day, if they had the next book in the Alex Cross series that I'm reading, Mary Mary.

Hmm. Mary Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

ha ha ha he....I got to stay away from the operas and musicals for a while.

Though, I enjoy them quite a lot.

Have you guys seen the video, 'What's this?' by Fallout Boy?
You know, the song from Nightmare Before Christmas?
It actually was good. I'm not saying Fallout boy sucks, but a lot of videos that Demon offers me now-a-days are either beyond sense or just plain weird.

Except for the stephen king short that he had me watch a night ago.
My own fault for watching it.
It wasn't so scary that I ran, but it had this timber wolf with yellow eyes.
The thing was in a crate, but you don't see it until the guy peers into the crack after opening the crate, and you instantly see this pair of evil yellow eyes glaring out from the dark inside.
Made me jump and yelp.

Right now, I'm listening to Reila, by a japanese band, Gazette.
It's a very good song, but just sad.
IT sounds sad, I can't understand Japanese, but Demon says it was so emotional, that while performing it at a concert the singer started CRYING.
It's sad for me in one way:
When Demon came back to me after FOUR weeks it felt better than anything to have him back.
Then, the day passed so quick. Next thing I knew were pulling out my driveway to go get him gas before he had to leave. Before we hit the street, I started sobbing. I didn't want him to leave.
He held me as I cried into his chest, shoulders shaking as he held me tight.
Reila was being played on his stereo, so when we hear this song we think about that.

I wish Demon had come today, but we talked a little in the afternoon.
God, I miss him so bad!

This week, I'm going to FIND OUT if Bookie likes me or if it's just some kind of misunderstanding.
Okay, a HUGE misunderstanding. But still, I have to know.
I hate guessing! That's what this has been for the past month: guess, guess, guess!
One moment, he doesn't do ANYTHING. The next day, he'll say something odd or wink at me, and I freak a little, but he doesn't explain a thing.

I'm going to get my friend, Beck, to help me.
She knows just as much as Demon or I do.
She can help, hopefully.

I swear on my puppy dog, Molly Bell,'s grave that I WILL find out!

-Angel

Romance....something I want now

It's hard to have to live without your soulmate.
Some of you may know what it's like.

Others, unfortunately, may lead a carefree life of three-four boyfriends/girlfriends every week.

Screw you.


It sucks to see people waste something that could be beautiful,
but they waste it without knowing which makes me disgusted.

There's too many people in my school like that. Too many people in the world like that.

You see girls having sex and proud of it when they know they're not planning on marrying that guy,
not even doing it for love. Same with guys.

Makes me sick.

I would give anything to live closer to Demon.
To be able to see him more than just once every two weeks.
It gets too hard sometimes, and I wake up from a dream, a dream where I find myself in his arms, and he holds me as if he's really there. Then I simply open my eyes as my alarm is blaring to wake me up for school, and I trudge out of bed from what seemed so real, but then I realize it never happened.

Sometimes I feel like crying about it. Which I know sounds babyish and everything, and I do try not to, but sometimes it just aches too much without him.

Some people may be saying, "Why don't you break up with him and get with someone else who's at your school?"
Well, that would only make it worse.
I'm married to Demon, and if I can't go without him for two weeks without hurting, going without him for the rest of my life would kill me.

According to him, if he speaks the truth, it would kill him in an instant.

Besides, there can't be anyone else.
If you've read my last chapter or two, you're probably wondering about my situation with Bookie.
Well, I had a dream last night. It was REALLY weird.

I don't know where we were, it seemed like a dark room with a mirror, and there were lights around the edge of the mirror like in dressing rooms. Bookie was beside me, I was looking in the mirror, and he was looking at me. He started giving me small kisses on the head and cheek. Nowhere on the lips.
The thing was, I didn't like it. Really, I was just horrorfied and shocked. But I couldn't find myself to push him away.
Then, I was in my room, with Demon. He started kissing me passionately on the lips, and I put my arms around his neck as he wrapped his around my waist. I felt the burning sensation in my chest as we kissed.

I guess this means that Demon wins my heart? He had already won in any rate.

My friend, Ash, she gets on my nerves too much.
Always complaining when her bf isn't at school, or he simply is late, and she says how miserable she is when he's not there.
Guess what, Ash? I don't really give a shit if the guy you see everyday is simply not there to hold your hand. I just don't. Don't know why, though.

All day I was imagining Demon beside me, my head leaned on his shoulder, one of his arms around me.

I just saw a video on youtube that was about the book Twilight's movie that's coming out!
Twilight is super awesome! A vampire romance. I thought the actors were well chosen, also.

I wonder how Maximum ride will be?
If you don't know, that's another book that's also cool, but the romance is a little dead in it.

Both the characters that supposedly like each other are idiots when it comes to the subject.
One keeps pushing away when she KNOWS she loves him, and the other won't even mention his feelings towards her. I'm sorry, no offense, but they need to either step it up, or leave it alone because it's not healthy to do otherwise.

Especially since they're still the same way after FOUR books.

Well, that's enough for me tonight.

TTYL

Sun Burns Suck

After a day of helping the little elementary school kids to go fish at some rich person's pond......
a pale person learns that she really should have taken some sunscreen.

And of course, that pale person was me for today.

Now, my skin is burning, and my eyebrows are blue from the aloe gel.

Great.

Crap

I have a problem.

Some of you may say it's nothing, others may think what I'm thinking:
That it's a BIG problem.

I think one of my best friends, one of my only best friends that I can be around
without getting angry, likes me...a little too much.

His name is, er, we'll just call him Bookie.
He likes to read a little more than I do.

So anyway, for a while me and Demon
and another girl, Beck, another best friend, suspect he likes me.

Beck says it's for sure, I hope it's not,
and Demon wants to kill him.

Bookie's my friend, kind of like an annoying brother,
and he does a lot for me that I appreciate.
He reads my story, always says it's great, and now
he's going to help me edit it.

That means a lot to me.
For one thing, editing a novel is long and hard.
I'm not so good at grading other kids papers
none the less an entire story!

He also helps me find books to read next,
he's letting me borrow books that he has checked out at our town's library,
books I could NOT find.

A while back, we were talking about my story.
My story is over me and Demon.
But in a sort of renaissance time and more of a fantasy style.

This is what we were talking about one day in class:

(we were talking about my prayer beads)
Me: Yeah, someone hates these things.
Bookie: Who?
Me: My boyfriend, he's kind of a demon and hates how my mom gave them to me.
Bookie: So where are your wings?
Me: Huh?
Bookie: Your wings? Your story?
Me: oh...*blushes from emberassment* Yeah, the story's kind of based on that.
Bookie: I figured. Well, it's a good thing the story's not real, or I'd be jealous and would never be able to see you again.
Me: ..........*takes hard shot of cola*...............

I think that's how it went down.

Today, we talked a lot, and he winked at me.
I'm really hoping he's just a big winker and winks at everyone.
If not, I'm in trouble.

I don't hate Bookie for doing those things, but I really just hope
that he DOESN'T like me.
Bad things happened the last time something like this went down.
Me and my old ex, we were best friends once upon a time.
Then, after it was over in just a week, we hated each other.
We talked a little bit before he moved away, but our friendship was scarred severely.

I don't want to lose another best friend.
Especially not Bookie. He's too good a friend to lose.

But remember, I only like him AS A FRIEND.
I'm pledged and married to Demon.
We already made our vows to each other, and I tend to keep mine.
There can be no one else.

Hello again

Sorry that I keep doing this.

Posting one day then don't post at all.

Don't feel neglected, my journal feels the same way.

I think it cries on my bookshelf at night.

Oh, well. Probably no one even reading this, right? It's okay. No one listens to me in real life, 'cept Demon, so I don't expect anyone on the internet to do the same.

Unless they're some really really desperate internet predators. Then they pretend to listen to ya about how long it takes, until the kid agrees to meet them somewhere.
I think I met one once.

Some guy claiming to have girlfriend problems, and when I kind of help him, he asks for my phone number so we could talk in 'real person.'

I'm not as stupid as some would say. I told him no way and blocked him.
Who knows, he COULD have been a regular teen, but you can't trust people like you used to.
Too many have abused the power, so now we all have to fear for the rest of our lives if the people we talk to are who they say they are.

Who knows?
I don't.
Would love to meet the person who does, though.
(okay, yeah, that probably goes against all of what I just typed, but what the heck?)

Spring break for me went by superfast.

Now I'm sad that it's gone, but am partially ready to go back to the school.
It's not as bad as everyone thinks, personally I like to get out of the house for anything now a days.
But that's just me.
I'm an outcast, come on.

It's also Easter today.
I'm thinking of changing it to Martyr Day.
Jesus technically was a martyr, though I doubt any other martyr came back from the dead on the third day after their death.
Remember, the terrorists of 9, 11 were martyr's too.

Gives ya either a reason to hate me or something to think about.

Just my thoughts. Who are you to judge?
No one, that's who.

I wonder what Jesus' thoughts were when he was up on that cross.
"Get me down from here!" would have been mine, but who knows. Maybe he really was praying inside his head to get past the pain of the nails driven into his hands and feet. What, like, "Father help me!" or "Forgive them!"

Who can tell me for sure?
No one.

I wonder if he did hold any grudges against the soldiers that mocked him by putting the thorny crown on his head, and stabbing his side and legs with a spear.

Demon is athiest.
He says that Jesus Christ was just a martyr who had a lot of "miracles" up his sleeve. End of story.

I don't believe that. I am a Christian, but sometimes I do wish I could believe easier than what I am. I know that that probably doesn't make me a very good Christian, but I can't help it.
I wish I could, but I can't.

Evidence would be better for me, but I guess the video recorder wasn't invented that long ago.

Oh, well.

Happy Easter.

-Angel