Oh, yeah, the WHOLE day off.
Funnest three hours.
Sarcasm if you can't hear it.
I NEEDED to be alone. I'm gettin' tired of being around people now a days.
I kept snapping at ASh all day and I just feel angry towards her all the time now.
I told myself not to be jealous of her and her boyfriend, B, but it's getting too hard.
I'm not jealous cause she has one, just that she gets to be with him.
Ash is such a hypocrite, though!
When she first had a bf that lived in India, she felt sad all the time and complained about it. I knew that it was
screwed up how she felt that she loved him, but she kept questioning of whether she wanted to wait for him and that
she couldn't do that.
If you love someone you'd be able to wait for them forever.
For all eternity even.
Sure I miss Demon, but I don't think "Maybe I should just break up with the guy who I feel bad without, and go for one of the sleezy guys around this dump!"
Now Ash is acting as if I should lighten up.
Guess what, Ash? Fuck you!
I don't care what YOU think.
I don't feel whole when Demon's not here! Guess what else?
He's my husband, and it's gonna be YEARS before we are able to be together!
I actually LOVE him!
-Angel (angry angel)
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Little Red Riding Hood
You should listen to it.
Not the story, but the song by Sam the Sham & the Pharoahs.
It's pretty good.
Demon says it reminds him of me.
For you see, I have red hair.
Not fully right now, but I'm gonna get it redder if I can.
I have blonde streaks in it, but I decided to be red or dead.
Not much of a choice, but there's not too many in life, anyway.
For one thing, Lindsay Lohan once had red hair...now it's fully blonde.
I was actually disappointed when she went to blonde, because there's not too
many red heads out there to prove that blonde isn't the ONLY hair color.
No offense to blondes out there, but blonde is too worshipped, and I really
don't see why it looks so good.
Then again, I'm not gonna get kidnapped for the White Slave Market.
Red heads aren't purchased as much.
Oops, did I just type that?
Forget about that. Not important...unless you're blonde. But don't worry.
Not too many get kidnapped now a days...or do they?
Read James patterson, people!
It sure freakin' got windy and warm today...which was VERY odd.
For the past couple of days it's been freezing and raining.
Then this morning it was warm and SUPER windy.
I'm not kiddin'.
I nearly went airborne!!!!!!!!!!
(though it was really fun, too)
My mama's gone, and my dad's got to go to an out-of-town trip tomorrow,
so looks like I've got the house to myself for once.
Which will be nice, yet lonely.
I guess I'll survive.
But, hey, come on peoples, comment or somethin'.
Kinda boring typing something you don't know if
people are out there or not.
-Angel
Not the story, but the song by Sam the Sham & the Pharoahs.
It's pretty good.
Demon says it reminds him of me.
For you see, I have red hair.
Not fully right now, but I'm gonna get it redder if I can.
I have blonde streaks in it, but I decided to be red or dead.
Not much of a choice, but there's not too many in life, anyway.
For one thing, Lindsay Lohan once had red hair...now it's fully blonde.
I was actually disappointed when she went to blonde, because there's not too
many red heads out there to prove that blonde isn't the ONLY hair color.
No offense to blondes out there, but blonde is too worshipped, and I really
don't see why it looks so good.
Then again, I'm not gonna get kidnapped for the White Slave Market.
Red heads aren't purchased as much.
Oops, did I just type that?
Forget about that. Not important...unless you're blonde. But don't worry.
Not too many get kidnapped now a days...or do they?
Read James patterson, people!
It sure freakin' got windy and warm today...which was VERY odd.
For the past couple of days it's been freezing and raining.
Then this morning it was warm and SUPER windy.
I'm not kiddin'.
I nearly went airborne!!!!!!!!!!
(though it was really fun, too)
My mama's gone, and my dad's got to go to an out-of-town trip tomorrow,
so looks like I've got the house to myself for once.
Which will be nice, yet lonely.
I guess I'll survive.
But, hey, come on peoples, comment or somethin'.
Kinda boring typing something you don't know if
people are out there or not.
-Angel
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sunday Nights
Usually there's SUPPOSED to be youth on Sunday nights but ever since the youth fell apart and the so called youth leaders quit showing up to church completely, it's kinda been just gone and dead.
Kind of sad, huh?
The weekend kind of sucked and went by fast.
Today was the only day that felt like a free day. Yesterday was the funeral, and then we had to go out of town to a two-hour away city that the burial was held in. Well, that city was next to my demon's town where he was visiting and staying with his grandparents.
He first wanted to come to the burial to be with me, then we were given the option for me to just go over there.
I just went over there, which I'm glad I chose that. I feel better from last week which was really crappy just from seeing Demon. That's just how he mellows me out.
We watched a horror movie, which wasn't as good as it's hyped up to be, and just sat around.
It felt so good to be in his arms again. I wished I was in his arms now.
Other than his little five year old cousin trying to sneak in the whole time, it was good.
Don't get me wrong, I adore her and everything, but sometimes she acts as if she's jealous of me. Which is alright, I mean Demon's more like her older brother than just a cousin with her being an only child and all.
Though it was like 2 1/2 hours, it still seemed really short, and I was missing him from when we were hugging goodbye.
I still talked to him that night, and finally we said our goodbye's at about 2:30 in the morning. He had to get on the road back to his college town, and I basically had nothing to wake up for, but was still worn out.
Today was just blah, I did my school work, practiced the flute, picked up my room (I can't stand for it to be messy), and spent some time with my mom.
Okay, this has been bothering me a lot today and I need youz guyz advice.
I feel horrible for blocking a friend off of myspace just recently, but there's nothing I can do.
He wasn't really a friend, but just an aquantance, really.
He's 24, making him some years older than me, and Demon didn't like that.
Demon said that he really didn't get a good vibe by just looking at his picture, and that he wanted me to stop talking to him. I said no because I"m just that stubborn. But the friend says that he wanted to say something about me but wanted to call me and tell me over the phone. I told him no, and when Demon found out he got REALLY hurt and mad that I was still talking to him. Demon wanted me to block him and to stop talking to him, and I finally gave in.
Not because of his begging but because I really did hurt him by even trying to hide it from him.
The reason why I hid it was because I thought that if I knew what my friend was trying to say, I could detect whether I SHOULD stop talking to him or not. That was a mistake.
Demon was hurt, it was my fault, and I had no choice but to stop the messages.
What was worse is that the friend said he understood, but only wanted to message me to check up on a friend. (this friend is out of state)
Problem was, I didn't say I was blocking him. Now I have him blocked and I'm afraid that I've hurt him by just doing that.
Only thing is, I don't want to hurt my demon in the proccess.
If anyone can help, please comment!
Back to the Sunday nights and away from the life drama....
It's just one of those Sunday nights where you're aware of school the next day, but you couldn't care less.
For all of you who dread Mondays but are in no extra activities that requires practices: shove off!
I have band practice tomorrow for only a couple of hours, but sometimes I wish to just get on the morning bus, go to school, get on the bus again, and just come home from the first day of the week.
Well, I get to go home for an hour and a half, but I'd like to go home and STAY home. Ya know?
I just have to remind myself that a couple of hours isn't as bad as our marching band practices from earlier this year which were 4 hours.
And to not bring a watch. If you bring a watch to practice, you'll be looking at it every five minutes.
That's why I get through the practice as much as I can, THEN look at a watch.
Then for Tuesday I have an early morning practice which isn't bad, just nerve racking at times.
The sectional is only for flutes with the main director, and there's only three of us, so we have less of a chance of screwing up. Even though I have my off days sometimes causing the director to raise an eyebrow at me from time to time.
Well, I better wrap this thing up.
Demon should be calling me now.
I'll type up later
-Angel
Kind of sad, huh?
The weekend kind of sucked and went by fast.
Today was the only day that felt like a free day. Yesterday was the funeral, and then we had to go out of town to a two-hour away city that the burial was held in. Well, that city was next to my demon's town where he was visiting and staying with his grandparents.
He first wanted to come to the burial to be with me, then we were given the option for me to just go over there.
I just went over there, which I'm glad I chose that. I feel better from last week which was really crappy just from seeing Demon. That's just how he mellows me out.
We watched a horror movie, which wasn't as good as it's hyped up to be, and just sat around.
It felt so good to be in his arms again. I wished I was in his arms now.
Other than his little five year old cousin trying to sneak in the whole time, it was good.
Don't get me wrong, I adore her and everything, but sometimes she acts as if she's jealous of me. Which is alright, I mean Demon's more like her older brother than just a cousin with her being an only child and all.
Though it was like 2 1/2 hours, it still seemed really short, and I was missing him from when we were hugging goodbye.
I still talked to him that night, and finally we said our goodbye's at about 2:30 in the morning. He had to get on the road back to his college town, and I basically had nothing to wake up for, but was still worn out.
Today was just blah, I did my school work, practiced the flute, picked up my room (I can't stand for it to be messy), and spent some time with my mom.
Okay, this has been bothering me a lot today and I need youz guyz advice.
I feel horrible for blocking a friend off of myspace just recently, but there's nothing I can do.
He wasn't really a friend, but just an aquantance, really.
He's 24, making him some years older than me, and Demon didn't like that.
Demon said that he really didn't get a good vibe by just looking at his picture, and that he wanted me to stop talking to him. I said no because I"m just that stubborn. But the friend says that he wanted to say something about me but wanted to call me and tell me over the phone. I told him no, and when Demon found out he got REALLY hurt and mad that I was still talking to him. Demon wanted me to block him and to stop talking to him, and I finally gave in.
Not because of his begging but because I really did hurt him by even trying to hide it from him.
The reason why I hid it was because I thought that if I knew what my friend was trying to say, I could detect whether I SHOULD stop talking to him or not. That was a mistake.
Demon was hurt, it was my fault, and I had no choice but to stop the messages.
What was worse is that the friend said he understood, but only wanted to message me to check up on a friend. (this friend is out of state)
Problem was, I didn't say I was blocking him. Now I have him blocked and I'm afraid that I've hurt him by just doing that.
Only thing is, I don't want to hurt my demon in the proccess.
If anyone can help, please comment!
Back to the Sunday nights and away from the life drama....
It's just one of those Sunday nights where you're aware of school the next day, but you couldn't care less.
For all of you who dread Mondays but are in no extra activities that requires practices: shove off!
I have band practice tomorrow for only a couple of hours, but sometimes I wish to just get on the morning bus, go to school, get on the bus again, and just come home from the first day of the week.
Well, I get to go home for an hour and a half, but I'd like to go home and STAY home. Ya know?
I just have to remind myself that a couple of hours isn't as bad as our marching band practices from earlier this year which were 4 hours.
And to not bring a watch. If you bring a watch to practice, you'll be looking at it every five minutes.
That's why I get through the practice as much as I can, THEN look at a watch.
Then for Tuesday I have an early morning practice which isn't bad, just nerve racking at times.
The sectional is only for flutes with the main director, and there's only three of us, so we have less of a chance of screwing up. Even though I have my off days sometimes causing the director to raise an eyebrow at me from time to time.
Well, I better wrap this thing up.
Demon should be calling me now.
I'll type up later
-Angel
Friday, January 25, 2008
Missing Him
as the title says
I'm missing my demon so bad!
Today, my friend Ash and her new bf were talking the whole day, and I felt
kinda left out the entire time.
It was cold, raining, wet, and icy. (I almost fell on a patch of ice)
Not very good weather for my kind of school day.
-sigh- Well, tomorrow's the funeral.
I had better cut this thing short before Demon does call me, and I end up taking a morning shower
which I'd rather not do.
See ya
-Angel
I'm missing my demon so bad!
Today, my friend Ash and her new bf were talking the whole day, and I felt
kinda left out the entire time.
It was cold, raining, wet, and icy. (I almost fell on a patch of ice)
Not very good weather for my kind of school day.
-sigh- Well, tomorrow's the funeral.
I had better cut this thing short before Demon does call me, and I end up taking a morning shower
which I'd rather not do.
See ya
-Angel
Thursday, January 24, 2008
So You Had A Bad Day...
Okay, so yesterday I'm sitting in third hour AP-English and we're starting to watch the movie Clue because
we're about to start a Agatha Christie murder mystery book.
The phone rings and I hear the teacher, Mrs. V, say in response to what is being said "A______ G_____?" (my name)
I look up thinking it's the guy who owes me sixteen bucks from a fundraising thing, and he was going to just give it to me late, right?
That was the only thing that came to mind.
Then I hear Mrs. V say after she hangs up, "A_____ you need to go to the office. Your mom's here to pick you up."
I stop and look at my friend B thinking 'Do I have some doctor's appointment that has been failed to be mentioned to me?'
So, I leave feeling confused and find my mom out by the office.
She says a woman named Sarah that goes to our church, who has had cancer for the past few months and we all know and love, is fading and she needed me to travel with her for four hours in the car to see her one final time. (My mom as her minister,)
I could only sigh and go with her. Not at all because I didn't want to, but because I didn't know that Sarah's time had come so quick as it had.
After hours in the car and a killer traffic timing of the lunch hour, we finally made it.
I knew Sarah's kids, the two of them a few years apart, 18 and 14, and hadn't seen them in a while.
When Sarah passed the whole family was crying making me feel awkward of where I was.
I don't know how my mom, as a preacher, can do this even with strangers!
we're about to start a Agatha Christie murder mystery book.
The phone rings and I hear the teacher, Mrs. V, say in response to what is being said "A______ G_____?" (my name)
I look up thinking it's the guy who owes me sixteen bucks from a fundraising thing, and he was going to just give it to me late, right?
That was the only thing that came to mind.
Then I hear Mrs. V say after she hangs up, "A_____ you need to go to the office. Your mom's here to pick you up."
I stop and look at my friend B thinking 'Do I have some doctor's appointment that has been failed to be mentioned to me?'
So, I leave feeling confused and find my mom out by the office.
She says a woman named Sarah that goes to our church, who has had cancer for the past few months and we all know and love, is fading and she needed me to travel with her for four hours in the car to see her one final time. (My mom as her minister,)
I could only sigh and go with her. Not at all because I didn't want to, but because I didn't know that Sarah's time had come so quick as it had.
After hours in the car and a killer traffic timing of the lunch hour, we finally made it.
I knew Sarah's kids, the two of them a few years apart, 18 and 14, and hadn't seen them in a while.
When Sarah passed the whole family was crying making me feel awkward of where I was.
I don't know how my mom, as a preacher, can do this even with strangers!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Regular School Days
You see, even if you may not be fully human
even if the only connection you have with being human is physicality
you still have to go to a certain prison:
school.
Don't get me wrong.
I don't find it a complete prison now.
I used to hate it.
I'm okay with it, at times not too psyched for it, but am okay with going.
There's many catergories where I go:
Christian Idiots, (these terms will have a definition at the end of this), Outcasts, Wanna-be-Goths/outcasts, Band nerds, Preps, Airheads, Big-mouths, Tom-boys, Tomboyish bitches, Regulars, and jocks.
Christian Idiots: The Christians in the school who think that being Christian just makes them SO much better. All I can say to them is: The taxcollector who pays his offering silent, is seen higher than the Christian who gloats their offering.
Outcasts: There's a bunch of these I see everyday. They don't claim emo or goth as their title, not that they even come close to it, and pull themselves away completely from the school. (any other group, and teachers)
Wanna-Be-Goths: Some of these do tend to mingle with the Outcasts. They act like they have the worst lives in the world some days, and other days act as if they're the happiest people alive....just makes me sick to see. I do that sometimes...in my MIND where no one can SEE it. They do it for the attention.
Band Nerds: The band nerds are pretty cool to me. Why? Because I am part Band Nerd. I play a flute, but don't hang out with the "cool" group within the band nerds and me and my friend, Ash, both get critisized for our anti-socialness when the truth is: Most of them are jackasses, or just plain snobbish. A couple of girls hate Ash for no apparent reason and even tried to spread a reason about us. Me and Ash know how rumors can only go worse if you try to fight it, so we just let it flow away.
(Guess you can't be safe in any big group now a days, huh?)
Preps: This one's pretty much self-explanitory. The girls who giggle at nothing, only look at a guy for his looks when he can be the dumbest guy you could ever meet, and bats their eyes at almost ALL the guys in school. Even if they have a boyfriend. Same can be said for the guys. Minus the giggles and add dorky laughs, the second fact is true but with the opposite sex, and minus batting the eyes and just flexing whatever muscle they DON'T have.
(If any preps are getting mad at me for this, remember: YOU'RE CHOOSING TO READ THIS!)
Airheads: Not so much of a rare species, but still hard to find people who match the description. They always smile everyday because they have no problems, bad days, or anything to worry about. They're just there, sitting and smiling, usually look all primped up like a barbie doll or something. Ex. There's a girl in my school, and to leave actual names out, her name is Shelly. She is one of the prettiest girls in school; She's in show time, in which she sings and dances; all the boys adore her when there's not much going upstairs; The teachers look to her first instead of someone like me, which I don't know what I am; So, airhead, or person that knows no troubles like people should, is what she is. Don't mean to sound bitchey, but hey, again, you people choose to read this.
Big-mouths: The people who think they're SO bad when they wouldn't last one day in real prison. Think they're ALL-that, but aren't. You probably know some yourself.
Tomboys: I may follow under this column. Girls who can survive without caking their face in makeup, or could go without it at all. Girls who refuse to wear skirts just for guys to look. Girls who find their individuality more important than belonging to some important groups. (Ex. My friend, Ash.)
Tomboyish bitches: The girls who wear a LOT of makeup but act rough and tough. Along the way they act like big-mouths. Put a mix of those together and you have this category.
Jocks: The big-jacket-wearing muscled guys who can sometimes have big heads. They're okay in my school. Don't know any personally, but they haven't gotten on my nerves.
Regulars: The normal people who don't really fit into these groups, but aren't too plain to talk to. They're the only group I can actually stand.
These are some people I have to see everyday excluding weekends. We have a couple anti-socials, but they keep to themselves so I don't know them more than that.
You probably have recognized some people you know that can easily slip into one of these categories. Think about it.
You might find someone.
even if the only connection you have with being human is physicality
you still have to go to a certain prison:
school.
Don't get me wrong.
I don't find it a complete prison now.
I used to hate it.
I'm okay with it, at times not too psyched for it, but am okay with going.
There's many catergories where I go:
Christian Idiots, (these terms will have a definition at the end of this), Outcasts, Wanna-be-Goths/outcasts, Band nerds, Preps, Airheads, Big-mouths, Tom-boys, Tomboyish bitches, Regulars, and jocks.
Christian Idiots: The Christians in the school who think that being Christian just makes them SO much better. All I can say to them is: The taxcollector who pays his offering silent, is seen higher than the Christian who gloats their offering.
Outcasts: There's a bunch of these I see everyday. They don't claim emo or goth as their title, not that they even come close to it, and pull themselves away completely from the school. (any other group, and teachers)
Wanna-Be-Goths: Some of these do tend to mingle with the Outcasts. They act like they have the worst lives in the world some days, and other days act as if they're the happiest people alive....just makes me sick to see. I do that sometimes...in my MIND where no one can SEE it. They do it for the attention.
Band Nerds: The band nerds are pretty cool to me. Why? Because I am part Band Nerd. I play a flute, but don't hang out with the "cool" group within the band nerds and me and my friend, Ash, both get critisized for our anti-socialness when the truth is: Most of them are jackasses, or just plain snobbish. A couple of girls hate Ash for no apparent reason and even tried to spread a reason about us. Me and Ash know how rumors can only go worse if you try to fight it, so we just let it flow away.
(Guess you can't be safe in any big group now a days, huh?)
Preps: This one's pretty much self-explanitory. The girls who giggle at nothing, only look at a guy for his looks when he can be the dumbest guy you could ever meet, and bats their eyes at almost ALL the guys in school. Even if they have a boyfriend. Same can be said for the guys. Minus the giggles and add dorky laughs, the second fact is true but with the opposite sex, and minus batting the eyes and just flexing whatever muscle they DON'T have.
(If any preps are getting mad at me for this, remember: YOU'RE CHOOSING TO READ THIS!)
Airheads: Not so much of a rare species, but still hard to find people who match the description. They always smile everyday because they have no problems, bad days, or anything to worry about. They're just there, sitting and smiling, usually look all primped up like a barbie doll or something. Ex. There's a girl in my school, and to leave actual names out, her name is Shelly. She is one of the prettiest girls in school; She's in show time, in which she sings and dances; all the boys adore her when there's not much going upstairs; The teachers look to her first instead of someone like me, which I don't know what I am; So, airhead, or person that knows no troubles like people should, is what she is. Don't mean to sound bitchey, but hey, again, you people choose to read this.
Big-mouths: The people who think they're SO bad when they wouldn't last one day in real prison. Think they're ALL-that, but aren't. You probably know some yourself.
Tomboys: I may follow under this column. Girls who can survive without caking their face in makeup, or could go without it at all. Girls who refuse to wear skirts just for guys to look. Girls who find their individuality more important than belonging to some important groups. (Ex. My friend, Ash.)
Tomboyish bitches: The girls who wear a LOT of makeup but act rough and tough. Along the way they act like big-mouths. Put a mix of those together and you have this category.
Jocks: The big-jacket-wearing muscled guys who can sometimes have big heads. They're okay in my school. Don't know any personally, but they haven't gotten on my nerves.
Regulars: The normal people who don't really fit into these groups, but aren't too plain to talk to. They're the only group I can actually stand.
These are some people I have to see everyday excluding weekends. We have a couple anti-socials, but they keep to themselves so I don't know them more than that.
You probably have recognized some people you know that can easily slip into one of these categories. Think about it.
You might find someone.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
'ello, chaps!
Hello.
No, I'm not really of pure English accent. I just like the words 'ello, and of course, 'chaps'.
What you will find out about me is that I am a very weird person, creature, just whatever I am.
Yes, I did put creature. Who knows? I could be something other than human, though I'm sure I have the physicality of a human, but my thoughts can be so obscure sometimes.
That's why I call this blog, My Thoughts and Love Forbidden!
I think things that are best kept unsaid, as in, I should not speak of them at all.
Maybe type them here, where I can be an anomonys for the most part.
Why is my love forbidden then?
Well, you see, it's forbidden in different ways.
1. I'm not exactly the right age to be dating my guy for he is a fresh adult. (Fresh = only an adult for a year)
2. My guy is not to be known as just 'my guy'. He is my demon, and he calls me his angel.
(that one's pretty self-explanitory)
3. Our families...well, I wouldn't say completely hates either me or demon, but sometimes can come close to it.
(Like in ex. His Aunt dislikes me some, and my father can be edgey towards demon)
There could be other ways we are forbidden, but who knows for now?
I don't.
So, now the secret behind my "title" is solved.
I hope you're happy.
Celebrate with cake and ice cream, and confetti now.
.....I said confetti!!!!
Yes, I suppose you may never get bored to read my thoughts.
If you can keep your mouths shut if they seriously offend any high government causing me to go to a prison which from there on I would have to use a spoon to dig a tunnel, and come find the blabbermouth.
Just kidding. Or am I?
Well, anyway, keep reading more and you might get a laugh...or not.
-shrug-
Up to you. You're supposed to be the laugher, you know.
Bye-bye!
-Angel
No, I'm not really of pure English accent. I just like the words 'ello, and of course, 'chaps'.
What you will find out about me is that I am a very weird person, creature, just whatever I am.
Yes, I did put creature. Who knows? I could be something other than human, though I'm sure I have the physicality of a human, but my thoughts can be so obscure sometimes.
That's why I call this blog, My Thoughts and Love Forbidden!
I think things that are best kept unsaid, as in, I should not speak of them at all.
Maybe type them here, where I can be an anomonys for the most part.
Why is my love forbidden then?
Well, you see, it's forbidden in different ways.
1. I'm not exactly the right age to be dating my guy for he is a fresh adult. (Fresh = only an adult for a year)
2. My guy is not to be known as just 'my guy'. He is my demon, and he calls me his angel.
(that one's pretty self-explanitory)
3. Our families...well, I wouldn't say completely hates either me or demon, but sometimes can come close to it.
(Like in ex. His Aunt dislikes me some, and my father can be edgey towards demon)
There could be other ways we are forbidden, but who knows for now?
I don't.
So, now the secret behind my "title" is solved.
I hope you're happy.
Celebrate with cake and ice cream, and confetti now.
.....I said confetti!!!!
Yes, I suppose you may never get bored to read my thoughts.
If you can keep your mouths shut if they seriously offend any high government causing me to go to a prison which from there on I would have to use a spoon to dig a tunnel, and come find the blabbermouth.
Just kidding. Or am I?
Well, anyway, keep reading more and you might get a laugh...or not.
-shrug-
Up to you. You're supposed to be the laugher, you know.
Bye-bye!
-Angel
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